One Day At A Time....

I don't want to forget this trip. It's been hard. Being on the road for 2 days in a car, arriving and realizing Grandpa wouldn't be there to greet us, watching and listening as family discussed funeral arrangements, watching grandma get flustered, sad, confused, and overwhelmed. Seeing my mom cry, seeing my family cry. Playing the piano for Grandpa's funeral, Physically helping my uncle Scott with stuff (fun, but hard work), seeing him and my uncle Doug struggle with not feeling well. It's been rough. But I've also felt so useful on this trip, especially once we got to Utah. I'll say it again: I really don't want to go home in the morning. 😢😕😭😢😭 I don't know if I've ever felt this strongly about not wanting to go home on any trip to Utah as I do this trip.

It's Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm not ready. Besides the feelings of grief and sadness that accompany the death of a family member, I've felt so... peaceful? Happy? With all the stress that has come from events of this summer, it's been hard to feel peaceful. For the last few days I've been able to really hang out with my Uncle Scott. We've talked about life, Grandpa, cars, and how wonderful it would be if I moved out to Utah.

So, I'm just a complicated ball of emotions right now and I can only partly blame it on the "monthly gift" that arrived his morning. The last 8-12 weeks have been a bundle of stress, worry, frustration, sleeplessness, love, care, compassion, annoyance, and probably a whole slew of other emotions that I haven't even realized yet. As I type this entry, I am laying on my Uncle Scott's couch in my Hall grandparents basement. Tomorrow we will lay to rest a wonderful man. Thursday, August 2nd, 2018, at approximately 2:55 pm, Grandpa Bruce Bingham Hall passed away at the age of 93. As we've been making preparations, I have been reminded of how much he loves his family and how much his family loves him. I have cried a few times since arriving in Utah on 8/5/18. I played the piano and remembered Grandpa coming in, sitting in a chair, closing his eyes and then buoying the music, even if he may not have been able to hear it all. I'm grateful for the opportuni...